Recently posted on twitter.com/mexijew (show/hide):
Something I need to get off my chest
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
As I sit here at 2:30am, looking up ways to quench my diabetic thirst, it occurs to me that I'm really not taking care of myself the way I should be. Despite the fact that I've lost over 30 lbs recently, the fact is that I'm still eating and drinking too many sugary foods. I know this because I can feel it. If you're a type 2 diabetic like I am, you understand what I mean.
On workdays I imbibe a Venti Peppermint Mocha Twist. Almost religiously at lunch. I get regular coke instead of diet coke or water. I'm not exercising. I'm not eating right. And I'm just not doing what I need to do to live a longer, happier life. And yet... part of me just doesn't feel like changing. Change requires effort and work, and given that it's a trial just to get up in the morning, you can see why I feel as I do.
Motivation has always been a problem of mine, as far back as I can remember. Well before I was diagnosed diabetic back in 2001. Back when I was in school. That far back. I've never been able to figure out why I always feel so unmotivated. I wish I knew. Just finishing the simplest of tasks like bringing a letter to the mailbox is sometimes amazing to me. It's not just physical motivation. It's mental motivation. I wish I could understand.
Maybe I need to find a specialist to talk to. To help me find the motivation for change. I don't know. I don't know where to look to be honest. It seems like this motivation issue transcends the diabetes. I'm sure it does. This isn't a cry for help. This is just my confession. I needed to get it off my chest. I don't know if I can get my life in line and find some way to reconcile (mentally) all of the changes I need to make. I just needed to say this "out loud".
Technorati Tags: Diabetes, Motivation.
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